from this valley

{via}

Oh, the desert dreams of a river
that will run down to the sea
like my heart longs for an ocean
to wash down over me

Oh, won't you take me from this valley
to that mountain high above? 
I will pray, pray, pray 
until I see your smiling face 
I will pray, pray, pray 
to the one I love

Oh, the outcast dreams of acceptance
just to find pure love's embrace
like an orphan longs for his mother
May you hold me in your grace


Won't you take me from this valley
to that mountain high above? 
I will pray, pray, pray 
until I see your smiling face
I will pray, pray, pray
to the one I love

Oh, the caged bird dreams of a strong wind 
that will flow 'neath her wings 
Like a voice longs for a melody, 
oh, Jesus carry me

Won't you take me from this valley
to that mountain high above? 
I will pray, pray, pray 
until I see your smiling face 
I will pray, pray, pray 
to the one I love

I will pray, pray, pray 
until I see your smiling face 
I will pray, pray, pray 
to the one I love


Thank you, The Civil Wars, for a beautiful song with an amazing message.  Very thankful this song came on my shuffle while I was getting ready this morning.

Even if I'm in a valley, God will carry me to the mountain.

Love You.

xoxo

love love love

oh this day, this sappiest of days.

I have been struggling lately with the romantic-love culture I was raised in that is so present in the South and seems to be present throughout the rest of the United States.

By romantic-love culture, I mean the culture that has told us women that

you have to find the ONE!

you have to have a thigh gap/long hair/a tiny waist/abs/big hips/big boobs/a tan/great style/a bikini-ready body 24-7-365!  or else the ONE may pass you up!

you must go to church and be involved!  you must lead small groups, mentor youths, volunteer with children, travel to foreign lands to "make disciples of all nations," and participate in Bible study year-round!  or else your heart may not be deeply hidden in the heart of God and you know how the saying goes!  the ONE won't be able to find you!

you better save yourself or the ONE will not want you!  no one loves a whore!

you must have a variety of interests that you pursue at all times by being awesome at them!  possibly be the president of a society or seven!  but at least be a member of four or more!  

you must be yourself!  no matter who that is!  no matter if you don't even know!  you better start acting as much like yourself as possible because what if you meet the ONE in the grocery??  you never know when he will cross your path!

you better get sexual experience along the way or the ONE will not want you!  no one loves a prude!

you should probably have your pinterest account open on a tab in your browser at all times because your wedding should practically already be planned by the time you meet the ONE!  but you better not tell him or you'll scare him off!

what? you're feeling sad or worried?  oh, well, you should probably stifle those feelings, definitely don't tell your small group about them, what if the ONE is in there?!  he's not going to want to marry someone who is sad or worried all the time.  or part of the time, for that matter!  you'd better be happy!  do it!  right now!  be happy all of the time!  and you'd better not tell him you ever feel these ways or are ever susceptible to hormones lest he thinks you're crazy!

you'd better move yourself to New York City or Los Angeles and start your career in magazines, television, movies, or fashion!  and you'd better do it quick!  girls are doing this every day and you don't want someone else to meet and fall in love with the ONE for you, do you??

...

oh, dear God.

Well, frankly, I hope you interpreted that these things were exaggerated.  But at any given time of our lives, we are told a myriad of different things because the ONLY THING that matters, apparently, is finding the ONE who will finally, exasperatedly, marry you.  And once you're married, you're set!

amirite ladies??

I am here to say.... nooooooooooo!!!

No to the perfect magazine images of thigh gaps and perfect bums and long hair and photoshopped perkiness!

No to over-stretching ourselves and our time to please a dude we haven't met yet!

No to the over-commercialized presentations of cute, dainty girls with their always-smiling faces, working their dream jobs that are basically the same in every TV show or movie!

No to labels!

No to denial of realness like sadness, worries, anxieties, and stresses!

No to the incessant pressing of society's definition of right and wrong into us at every turn!

No to the definition of closeness to our God being found in how busy we are at church!  Only God and I know how close I am to Him, and that is our business.

NO TO THE IDEA OF THE ONE.

I want to decide.  I want to decide which things are right for me.  And if I am being healthy, legal, and true to myself, who really cares?? 

The definition of the ONE is that we find the man who will marry us... But maybe the definition of the ONE should be the version of ourselves that we love the most.   

When I decided I wanted to get a pixie hair cut, I read some blogs about it and about what to expect, and a common theme in these blogposts was that I will get hit on less, since guys like long hair.  You know what happened?  I met the most incredible man who loved my hair long and short, because he wasn't looking at my hair, he was looking at my heart.  And God didn't stop loving me, either.

When I decided I needed to resolve my anxieties for my sake, not for anyone else, but because I wanted to relax, I got better.  And the aforementioned most incredible man?  He looks forward to the day he gets to help me relax when I am overly anxious and can't calm down on my own.  Seriously, what?!  I have never met anyone who treats my anxiety that way.  And God was there to cheer me on, too.

When I told him about my sins, he said he loves me.  Seriously.  And God, who knew I'd commit these sins before I even knew what the word "sin" means, still loves me.

When T & I started dating, I told him I thought he was one cool cat, but that school was still going to come first, because me becoming a nurse is more important to me than anything.  [For the record, this is hard for me.]  His response?  "If you didn't say that, I was going to."  And God is still providing the strength I need to make it through, since I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  (philippians 4:13)  Still supporting me.  Still loving me.

And the best part of all of this is that I picked these things out for me, not for anyone else!  And I love it!

I think T is a guy that thinks I'm interesting enough to want to hang out and find out more.  He and I have so much in common it can be spooky, and we are really compatible.  So I'm not going to brand him as the ONE for me, because I know that our foundation, connection and commitment to each other are what will make this relationship work and last... Not an arbitrary label, not that I have shoved myself into a tiny, incredibly specific mold that society made for me.

Just me being me, and T being T.


So when it comes to Valentine's Day, my first thought is how grateful I am for the incredible love God has for me, that He laid down His life for me, to save me, just because He wanted His eternity to have me in it.  Oh my gosh.  I cannot thank Him enough.

My second thought is: I am so thankful God made me exactly the way I am.  And I am even more thankful that He made T the way he is, and that T says to me the opposite of what society says to me... Letting me just be me, no strings attached, and loving me as such.

He really is the most amazing guy I know.

Love you, sugar.


h a p p y  v a l e n t i n e ' s  d a y !


xoxo

delayed prayers

Goodness gracious, y'all, I am terrible at this, apparently.

friday | saturday | sunday | monday
school | family & friends | me | world

my Heavenly Father,

Thank You for another day, I am so grateful for it.  It is so beautiful outside and I get to spend the day with my mom and see my dad, sister, T, and close friends (S, and hopefully J, L and A) all within today.  And tomorrow I work the labor & delivery rotation in the new family unit.... Oh goodness, God, what glory!  I can't wait to be a part of Your magic, and hopefully help these new families feel Your love throughout the painful process of fulfilling Your promise to Eve.  :-|  but I know You will be with me and with us in every new creation, since You're in the creating business, and I know You will help make the transition very smooth.

My God, I lift up my LSUHSC community to You again today, hoping and praying that the lives of everyone associated are blessed by You.  That You bring to us all Your glory and hope and love and grace, so that we can pass it on to everyone we care for and help care for in the New Orleans area.  There is a great power and responsibility in knowing how to take care of someone, and I pray for all of us who are being blessed with that... May we all be wise, conscientious, and never run short on grace.

I want to pray for my family and friends, too, God.  I am so grateful for them.  J did such a wonderful job at the Shift service yesterday, I just love her heart so much.  What a blessing it is to know her and to witness Your love through her.  I also want to pray for M, who is making big plans for her future.  I worry about her a lot, even though she sometimes annoys me, and just want her to be happy.  I hope she doesn't forget how much You love her.  Lastly, God, thank you for those (T especially) who love me for me and push me towards my dreams without a second glance.  This environment of love I've found myself in is unreal.  I am so blessed by it, God, and I know You orchestrated it.  Please help me make sure I give as much love back out into the world.

I also want to pray for my schedule, my commitment to my classes, and my commitment to becoming an RN.  I know this is the path You want me on, God... I know it the way you know about a good melon.  ;-)  I love being in the hospital setting, God, but I am acting too much like I am taking a class and not enough like I am a nurse.  I must be more like a nurse when I'm in clinical, God.  If I don't, I fear I will come off as lazy or lackadaisical to my clinical teachers, who may or may not see the promise of a great nurse in me.  I know it's there, and I know You know it's there... I just want to make sure it comes out so I can have a promise of a great future ahead in nursing, Ya know?  I worry a lot about the future, God, but what's most important is now.  I am trusting You with what's coming, I'm giving that up right now, even if I pick it back up in a little while I pray You remind me that You've got this and that I don't need to carry it.  Ah, what a blessing that is... I can breathe a sigh of relief at the thought.

Lastly, I'm praying for that big blue world out there, God.  It is big, blue, scary and intimidating, but most of all it is Yours.  I pray that Your will is done out here, my Lord of all.  I can't imagine my life without You and many people are out in the world doing exactly that.  They are brave, God, and I boldly pray You are able to get them back and close to Your heart.  I boldly pray for my fellow Christians who are out seeking to get those close to Your heart... may they stay near to You as they are out being Your hands & feet.  And just like J said in shift yesterday, the Christian life is the atypical.  I know so many people whose lives are typical, but the atypical always catches the attention of someone else.  It is how You love.  I pray for that in my own life, God, and I pray for my fellow Christians (especially my friends and family, with whom we walk this path) to be atypical.  Let us be daring, bold, and genuine, God.  Let us move about the earth with boldness & a genuine spirit.  Let us be Yours in this world, God.  Let us be only Yours.

What glory is this, my Lord.
love, K

[xoxo]

saturday loves & sunday selfie

hello friendship.

Today has already been an eventful day and it's only 0840. I was borderline sick for a couple of days but I think it really settled in overnight. Sore throat, stuffy nose, whole nine yards. Boo. 

Well anyway, enough about me. More about my family and friends, for whom I'll be praying today. (FYI, in prayers like today's, I'm only going to use the first initial of his or her first name.) 

My glorious Heavenly Father,

Thank you for giving me a new day to wake up to this morning. Thanks for the glory I find in everyday little things, that remind me just how perfectly you created our world. I also love that You placed the people in my life that You did. I know everyone is here for a reason, and it am very thankful. I am so humbled by Your forethought that we would need companionship and that You have fulfilled this need in my life in various ways, but consistently, from day 1. Lord, You are gracious and glorious and amazing. Thank You so much, God. 

I'm praying for the hearts of those closest to me this morning. I am so happy You decided to bring them into my life.

On Sunday...

I apologize for the delay, I was working on praying for my family and friends, and I couldn't figure out what to say.  Though I pray for them frequently, I found hesitation when I was trying to figure out what to say when they might read it.  Felt a little awkward.  I'm just going to power through it, though.  I will also add today's prayer at the bottom of the continuation of yesterday's.


Anyway...

God, I'm sorry for interrupting yesterday's prayer.  I'm going to finish it now.

Thank you for my friends and family who are closest to me, and everyone who is in my life, for that matter.  You know what is on their hearts and minds today.  You know what is worrying them, what is a celebration to them.  I pray You are with them, all of them, in those joys and concerns that are on their heart.  I am just so thankful for them, God.  I am so thankful for them.  And I hope they know this.

I'd also like to lift up the concerns that are on my heart this Sunday... I am stressing about school, about gas money for driving to and from clinical, about how and when I will get all my schoolwork done, and about making the right choices.  You know what's on my heart, my God.  You know all my stresses, and best of all, You know how they're going to turn out.  I am so grateful for that, God.  I'm so grateful that You're here with me now and with me in the future.

I would also like to say a special request: please help me to completely let go of the past and let it stay there.  God, I'm grateful for my past and for what it's meant to me in my present.  It has brought me exactly to this point of my life, but boy am I grateful it's in the past.  I pray it stays there.  I pray I leave it there.  Nothing matters more to me than my present (since that's the only time I truly have), and I want to invest in my present.  I can't invest in my past, because it's passed.  I just want to live and love in today.  Please direct my focus to that, God.  Please help me leave it where it belongs.

Lord, I love you forever, I am so thankful for You in my life.  Thank you for what prayer is and what it means to me.

love, K

[xoxo]